Ninjas Attacking Minnesota by VT

Ninja sightings have been reported all over Minnesota. These ninjas like to steal things and they don’t have any mercy, these ninjas come in groups of 2 or 3. If you see ninjas attacking your house or your friend’s house please don’t try to stop the ninjas, instead call the ninja patrol our number is 612 123 4567!

There is one ninja who only robs the biggest houses, so if your house is bigger than the others, watch out this ninja can steal something 10 times heavier than a bed! If you live in Plymouth or Maple Grove, MN you are safe if you live in a neighborhood, because your neighborhood is ninja safe, we are working to make all neighborhoods ninja safe!

Thank you for reading this article.

WAS THE 1980’S A LIE? by JS

Now, just looking at the title, I know you’re probably thinking, what do you mean? It’s literally a decade. How is it not real?’ Let me explain. My great great great great great great great great grandma’s great grandma was born in 1987. My dad was born in 1982. My dad tells me that in the 1980’s, they were very hip, but my great great great great great great great great grandma’s great grandma said that they weren’t hip. So clearly the only logical explanation is that it just wasn’t a thing. Duh!

Whirlpools Have Started Appearing Every Day by VT

Out of nowhere whirlpools have started appearing right under some ships. These whirlpools have no necessary source because there is a low amount of wind in the places they appear. If anyone figures out the reason these whirlpools are appearing please tell us and you will be rewarded with a thousand bucks!!!

Please do not go boating from now to when we stop the source.

Animals Can Now Talk! by VT

The recent discovery that animals can talk, really scared humans out of their wits. This can be a good thing because humans will finally be able to understand dogs better! Because of this zoos have closed down due to animals leading a protest. Zookeepers try convincing the animals that keeping them in the zoo is for their own good, but the animals don’t agree. The head zookeeper overheard the animals plotting their revenge by poking people with pointy sticks! Humankind is not safe from these horrible animals. Animals look cute at first but only once you stop giving the animals attention, they will show their true colors. Nothing will stop these ruthless animals from taking over our world!

Dinosaurs Have Come Back!!! by V

The newly invented Time Machine has caused many problems such as: bringing the gladiators back & bringing the revolutionary war to our age! But the biggest problem is the dinosaurs, yes I said dinosaurs!!! If you find a way to defeat the dinosaurs you will get $1,000,000,a mansion, and a Ferrari! If you defeat the other threats you will get $500,000 & a Lamborghini! So if you want to get rich and save the world, please give us ideas to defeat all three threats.

Breaking news! Lizzo Abducted By Shape-Shifting Aliens! by BE

On June first at 6:00 pm, Lizzo vanished!

Two of her bodyguards were sitting with her backstage when “One moment she was there, and the next she was gone!” said Bobby, her head bodyguard. They conducted a (mostly) thorough search of the concert venue before coming to the only reasonable conclusion: Lizzo had been abducted by aliens!

After the longest five minutes of their lives, the security team found Lizzo exiting the women's dressing room. But the guards quickly became suspicious when Lizzo claimed that she lost her voice in the dressing room.

“I’ll go get it for you,” said Bobby. But a (mostly) thorough search of the woman's dressing room revealed nothing but a massive, gaping hole in the ceiling. Lizzo’s esteemed security team decided that the hole looked like a spaceship.

Is Lizzo here on earth or is there an alien doppelganger fooling us all?

Dog Does A Backflip! by JS

Did you know dogs are 201.375% smarter than humans?

Me neither?

Do you want to know why they are so smart? You don’t? Well too bad!

A reporter in Montana, USA states that her mom’s friend’s cousin’s son’s wife’s dog did a backflip!!! He was supposedly doing his business (sorry for the fruity language) when he just jumped and did a flip. We need to keep kids away from horseback riding because the dogs are teaching the horses how to flip, too! The ponies are especially pleased. The only problem is that the horses can’t really flip fully, so they just land on their backs. Vets are seeing lots of spinal cord fractures. This is not good. If you have a dog, DO NOT let them around horses!!! Please and thank you.

CHINA HAS BEEN STOLEN!!! by OR

Authorities are still looking for where CHINA could be.
No evidence has been found.
"That stinks." Says CHINA's president

Chicken Eats Lady Liberty by OS

This morning a giant chicken fell from the sky. The chicken went straight for the statue of liberty before the blanket was removed and ate it hole. The chicken thought it was a seed. New york was tarefied to see whate franc put in ther was a bond one of the 100 survivors said “it destroyed evry thing” . New york is now a small iland drifting allong in the ocean.   

CAT WRECKS THE TWIN TOWER (New York Government isn't happy) by SC

Once upon a time there was a cat living in John’s house in the streets of New York city, Honeybrook Avenue. As John was at work, the cat was all alone sleeping. “NWAAAAA” says the cat. “MEOW!!!!” The cat was hungry. He got mad. He wanted food. He wanted it. He grew taller by the minute. His head tore through the roof! Cars stopping at the sight of a cat growing to about the height of 2000 feet tall!!! The news was blowing up saying things like, “CAT GREW 2000 FEET TALL!”, or, “EVERYONE EVACUATE THE CITY: HONEYBROOK HAS ITS 2000 FOOT TALL CAT!!!!”

Meanwhile at John’s work. John was drinking his tea, typing on his computer, and enjoying his life until… HE FORGOT TO FEED HIS CAT!!!!

His computer was blowing up with notifications about the big cat! Then he hears thumping, really loud thumping. “THUMP, THUMP, THUMP!” He looks out the window to see his cat at his max! People all around town are screaming and it's chaos! The cat was marching its way to the twin towers! John ran out of the building and to his car to see the car was broken.

He doesn’t have much time to think. So he runs as fast as he can to the grocery store to get cat food. He goes and runs around and around and around until he finally spots one! He goes inside to the pet food aisle and gets what he needs. There is no cashier there so he runs out without paying. In such a hurry, he calls out the cat's name multiple times telling the cat that he has food.

He spots the giant but it's too late… the cat broke the twin towers!!! Everything is in ruins and John feels as if the guiltiest person on earth for not feeding his cat. He is in tears as everything is crumbling. He gets really mad too. So mad that he screams his cat's name so loud the cat finally turns to him. He is in shock. But now, it's time to do what he always wanted to do, “SUPPER TIME!” The cat runs to him and John opens the bag of cat food. The cat bends down for the food and eats the whole thing in one bite. The cat shrinks back to normal as if he was innocent. John was the hero of the town. The next day the news is blowing up about John Cory saving Honeybrook! So kids, the morale of the story is to always feed your cats!

The end…

Chickens are now on strike! by EP

A shocking turn of events has chickens suddenly rebelling against getting eaten with loud, sometimes violent, protests about their opinions on factory farming by also creating elaborate escape plans from their cages and escaping.

Seeing their stocks go down in massive amounts has devastated the meat industry and now chickens are much happier by the change.

Bigfoot Steals Mona Lisa! by BE

At 12:00 pm on June 31 2022,  a forest dwelling monster abducted security,  tiptoed into the louvre dressed as a guard, then went on a rampage eating works of art such as the Venus de milo and the Mona Lisa. “A big bummer,” said Bob Mcbobby face- the louvre’s head of security. “We were forced to replace the master pieces with 3d printed replicas.” he admitted. Angry tourists threatened to storm the louvre after discovering that they had spent money to view fake art. “We wanted to seem in control.” Bob Mcbobby face explained. Authorities warn tourists to be on the lookout for furry giants. The search continues.

 BIGFOOT IS STILL AT LARGE… 

Kid Claims Pet Hamster is Evil by MS

Eight-year-old Tleepo claims his pet hamster, Eve L., is evil after waking up to his dog, Glibb, whining because he had a cut on his leg. Tleepo carefully examined his room and saw that the door to Eve's cage was open. His parents assured him Eve was not evil. Glibb just hit his leg on something and Tleepo forgot to close Eve's cage. 

However, the next morning, Tleepo woke up to Eve on his face. Eve's eyes were glowing red. His parents said he was dreaming.

     

After many mornings like this, Tleepo finally decided to buy more locks for Eve's cage. The next day, Eve stayed put, so Tleepo wasn't scared when his parents let him stay home alone for a half hour while they went shopping.

     

Tleepo had to feed Eve, so he went up to Eve's cage and saw that one of the locks was unlocked. Tleepo immediately ran out of his room and found his mom's phone. She had left it for him in case there was an emergency. Tleepo tried calling his dad and also texting him, but Tleepo never reached his dad. 

     

Then he heard a creeeaak as his door opened. Tleepo turned around and saw Eve, slowly walking towards him. Tleepo screamed and quickly dialed 9-1-1 on his mom's phone. The police hesitated, but finally agreed to come. 

     

By the time the police had arrived, Eve L. was holding a pencil, and was charging at Tleepo. A police officer named Deeko put on thick gloves and picked up Eve. Deeko put Eve in mini handcuffs. She was arrested. 

     

The police asked Tleepo many questions. They realized Eve L. sounded a lot like evil, and Tleepo told them that was the name the pet store named her. 

    

 The police talked to the owner of Bad Pets, the pet store where Tleepo bought Eve. Blerfo, the owner of Bad Pets, admitted all of the pets were evil. Bad Pets was sued, and since they had very little money, Bad Pets went bankrupt.

THE THREE BRANCHES OF GOVERNMENT ARE ZOMBIES! WILL YOU BE THEIR NEXT TARGET? by VK

 After former president Donald Trump was not re-elected people were wondering what he would do. Apparently he turned a senator into a zombie. They had turned the Legislative and Judicial branches before Trump was sent to court in Miami. While in court all three branches were zombified. Now, behind bars, Trump waits for the chaos to begin.

PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARS by SJ

When President Biden was elected in 2020

Two years later, he mysteriously disappeared.

“He said he won't be home until maybe at midnight due to some errands he had to run but when we all woke up at 9:00 am he was still not home and we found out his suitcase was gone and several of his clothes were missing.” Biden’s wife, Jill Biden reports on TV. 

“If I must say, Mr. Biden has not been home a lot lately, I mean, he is the president but he's been busier than ever and lately, I have found many valuables missing from his room” quotes Biden’s housekeeper.

The FBI and the Secret Service are still on the lookout for the 46th president but have found no evidence on where Joe Biden is. But on May 27, 2023 at 6:00 pm, the housekeeper of the president noticed a rather large banner flying in the sky when she was outside watering the plants.“

It said:’ MAKE BETTER CHOICES TODAY, AMERICA IS IN YOUR HANDS.’ 

“ no one else in the family had seen it, for, they were all inside the White House, so I was the only witness, shortly, the plane with the banner flew out of sight.” Biden's housekeeper claims. =

While the police are still looking for Joe Biden, they think that the 2024 election year, will be tougher than ever, ( that is, if they ever find President Joe Biden)

ANGELINA JOLIE STARTS A FIGHT WITH BEYONCE by SJ

Famous actress and superstar Angelina Jolie claims that famous singer and dancer Beyonce dissed her in one of her new songs. “ She was starting up her chorus and she sang something about no one beating her, not even Angelina Jolie", Angelina reports during her interview.

However Beyonce says she never actually said that and she even recommended that Angelina get her hearing checked. 2 weeks later after the song was released Angelina was caught sneaking into Beyonce’s mansion and stealing her song records, before leaving a note that supposedly was meant to make Beyonce ashamed of what she did.

However the day after, Beyonce called the cops on Angelina and said that not only did she steal her song records, she made a big deal out of something that never happened. This made Angelina furious and she stormed out of the scene and disappeared a week after it happened. Researchers and police are still searching for her but still have not found any evidence she has stayed in the state.

Ed Sheeran Receives Surprise Visit From Santa Claus In The Middle Of June! by LS

Early this crisp June morning, the famous singer/songwriter Ed Sheeran reportedly received a surprise visit from Santa Claus, who claimed to have traveled all the way from the north pole to deliver an early christmas gift to the famous artist. “He just showed up on my doorstep, in his Santa Claus hat and coat, and said he had brought me a gift,” said Sheeran. 

What was the gift that he brought this young artist you may ask? Well, the gift box reportedly contained V.I.P. tickets to a Taylor Swift show tomorrow night. The tickets were also clearly labeled as non-returnable and non-refundable, so they were obviously very expensive and hard to get tickets. “He also delivered a larger box,” recalled Sheeran, which he said to have contained a full Taylor Swift merchandise gift and a CD signed by Swift herself. Good ole’ Mr. Claus said that Mrs. Claus had even made him some beaded bracelets to go along with his fashionable concert merch.

If that wasn’t enough, Santa Claus had decorated his sleigh for summer, and covered it with pink gemstones and pictures of Taylor’s albums. He was even wearing hot pink heart-shaped sunglasses and a sparkling cowboy hat, and volunteered himself to be Sheeran’s personal chauffeur to the concert, with all of his glitz and glamor. When reporters asked Sheeran if he was to go to the concert or not, he simply replied “What’s life without a little bit of Swift’s music?”

Gaming Starts To Affect Kids In Weird Ways! by SG

Excessive gaming can have a significant negative impact on people's relationships, education, career, sleep, mental and physical health, maladaptive coping, and stress. Despite this, parents usually ignore the effects until it's too late.

Recently, 12 year old John Wilson was so upset with getting a loss in fortnight that he smashed his computer open and started a fire in the backyard just to burn it, dancing over the flames. His parents were upstairs at the time and were sent into a panic when they heard him smashing the computer downstairs.

“All we could hear was him cackling like a maniac and doing this strange jig dance as the computer was being broken.” sniffled the mother as the news reporters filed in.

Aliens Annoy People In Ohio! by V

Aliens are annoying, the griddy is more annoying, now aliens are doing the griddy in Ohio.

This alien uprising started yesterday and the people are already annoyed!If you live in Ohio relocate now (literally right now)Can you believe it only listening to right foot creep day & night?

Do you think it can get worse? Well it just did, everyone who plugs their ears or listens to something else will get a private show of the griddy. Nobody knows why the aliens are doing this, it’s a mystery that no one can solve. The alien uprising is moving fast, so if your state neighbors Ohio, beware!

IS TAYLOR SWIFT IS GETTING MARRIED!?!?!?! by ES

As you may already know, Taylor Swift has had 12 boyfriends! But her newest relationship seems to be a lot more serious! Taylor announced a few months ago that she is great friends with Dwayne Johnson. One day she was on a walk when she saw Dwayne going on a walk with his best friend, Bob. “I could tell by the way he looked at me that it was love at first sight” claims Taylor, when asked about her relationship with Bob. Many people have reported seeing Bob and Taylor holding hands and even kissing!

“My little boy came up to me one day and said he saw Taylor Swift kissing a rock!” -Unknown 

When asked about the diamond ring on her ring finger, Taylor said she would make an announcement about it soon. Since then, she has announced publicly that she will be getting married to Bob in June 2024! Stay tuned for more news on Taylor’s love life! Bob (the future vice president) asked Dwayne which Bob was his favorite between him and Bob Ross, Dwayne said it was a hard choice. Because of Dwayne’s response, Bob has temporarily stopped contacting Dwayne. Hopefully, they will be in contact by 2024. Otherwise who knows who could be the vice president? That’s just assuming that Dwayne gets elected, which I'm sure he will, as I haven’t met a person who doesn’t idolize Dwayne. But until the next election, make sure to...